first_img1. Richard Stobo to Danny Waugh, brother of Steve and Mark A Sydney grade game between Gordon and Bankstown. After Stobo beats Waugh’s outside edge a few times in succession: ‘Mate, are you fucking adopted?’ 2. Glenn McGrath to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes ‘Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?’ Eddo Brandes: ‘Because every time I fuck your mother, she throws me a biscuit.’ 3. James Ormond & Mark Waugh Ormond had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh. MW: ‘Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.’ JO: ‘Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.’ 4. Glenn McGrath & Ramnaresh Sarwan McGrath to Sarwan: ‘So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?’ Sarwan: ‘I don’t know. Ask your wife.’ McGrath (losing it): ‘If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I’ll fucking rip your fucking throat out!’ 5. Mark Waugh & Adam Parore Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball. Mark: ‘Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then; you’re fucking useless now.’ Parore (turning around): ‘Yeah, that’s me. And when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut. And now I hear you’ve married her, you dumb cunt!’ 6. Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. ‘I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred.’ ‘Not you Raman, your mother,’ Fred replied. 7. Waugh & Jamie Siddons In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an eternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs – the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre. Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out. ‘For Christ‘s sake, it’s not a fuckin’ test match.’ Waugh replies: ‘Of course it isn’t: you’re here!‘ 8. Healy & Atherton Michael Atherton, on his first Tour to Australia, was adjudged not out on a caught behind appeal. At the end of the over Ian Healey walked by and announced ‘You’re a fucking cheat.’ Athers replied very politely ‘When in Rome, dear boy…’ 9. W.G.Grace & Umpire Once, when the ball knocked off a bail, he replaced it and told the umpire: ‘Twas the wind which took thy bail off, good sir.’ The umpire replied: ‘Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on thy journey back to the pavilion .’ 10. Ian BothamIan Botham arrives in Australia The cheeky customs official asks him ‘Do you have a criminal record?’ Botham: ‘I didn’t know that was still a requirement.’last_img read more